Episode 25: Listen To Your Body For A Change with Amy Dave

Small Batch Sound: Hey everyone, and welcome back to Confessions of a Slow Cooker. I'm Ashlyn Blue, and today we have a guest whose story ends in some very practical tips. We often have women on here share their tips, tricks, and everything they've they've learned along the way, but Amy Dave, a PA, goes a step further. From her experiences, she has dedicated her work to helping other women discover peace within their own bodies. The sometimes pesky, sometimes bloaty goady. sometimes downright painful aspects of being a woman with a cycle, well, they add up ⁓ a lot. And they're constantly happening. They intrude. They have the worst timing. And Amy can help. And bonus, her work naturally helps with fertility. I should also mention she's a two time cancer survivor and an IVF mom. And I'm so sorry if that sounds like an afterthought. It is not, I promise. Welcome, Amy. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Okay. So I kind of gave a little bit of a rundown, but it's a lot more in depth than that. And again, I threw in the cancer survivor times two and the IBF mom part, but I know that's a whole the a whole thing. You said before we started that you are you've been a PA for a long time and that in the last four years all the other stuff has come about. And so I'll let you start however you want to start. ⁓ tell us a little bit about yourself and yeah, take it away. Thank you. So ⁓ I became a PA in two thousand one. ⁓ that same summer I met my now husband and we got married the following summer. So I was married fairly quickly and I was like, great, I wanna have my kids at like twenty-five, I wanna be done by thirty, I want to be a young mom, all these I had all these dreams. ⁓ shortly after we got married, I had my first ⁓ cancer, which was a lymphoma. ⁓ and as I went through the treatments, the chemotherapy and stuff, they were like, you know, your ovaries are gonna shut down. So ⁓ great. You know, thanks. Most likely you're young enough that they'll come back. Right. But that's ⁓ you know, that's what chemotherapy does. So ⁓ yeah, so I went through the treatments, recovered, everything is great from that, thank God. ⁓ you know, and then my my cycles came back, things were good. couple years down the line, we were like, okay, let's start a family. We wanted, you know, four kids, we or more. We wanted a big family. We wanted to start young. ⁓ and we started trying and nothing happened. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. How old are you at this point? I was probably in my late twenties. Okay. So we stopped when I was about twenty five. Yeah. Okay. Right. So then we waited a year, right? Because the doctor said, wait a year, try for a year. So we waited a year, then I got tested, then my husband got tested, then we had all kinds of things. I mean, it was a five year process, right? and fortunately I had my kids later. But at that time, I don't know how it is with you, but in Indian families, like every time I met my Aunts and uncles and family friends that were like, Well, when's the baby coming? When are you getting pregnant? When are you having a baby? And I was like, in tears, like, I'm trying, I really am, I promise. yeah. So eventually, ⁓ I mean, I had f failed IUIs, I had failed IV IVFs, eventually I had my first son. He was an IVF baby. ⁓ so he's my miracle of modern medicine because I was on high dose fertility drugs. Two years later, we had a frozen embryo. So I had my second son, and he's my miracle of modern science because he's he was frozen and, you know, ⁓ thawed and ⁓ we call them cornflakes and frosted flakes because that's what they are, right? ⁓ That's amazing. Yeah. So by the time I had my first one, I was already thirty. You know, I went through all the trouble. ⁓ my husband and I both had infertility factors, so When we had the second one, we didn't have any more embryos left. We were like, Great, we're done. We have our family. We have our two kids. We are very happy. And so I never bothered with birth control. Yeah. Because I'm like, why? Like I I I had to take so many medications and so much stuff to get pregnant. Why would I Right. I guess I wouldn't Why would you get on another medication at this point? No, no, it's not. I that's how I get But we just assumed like we don't need birth control. And ⁓ lo and behold, ⁓ my third son was a natural surprise ⁓ pregnancy, my just miracle from the universe, because ⁓ we were not expecting him at all. ⁓ and I I remember I had to call my, I called my fertility doctor and I'm like, listen, you always call me with good news. Today I'm calling you with good news. So that was my journey. They are now ⁓ I have three boys and they are now teenagers. so it's been amazing, it's been wonderful, and that is part of the reason why I do the work I do today. Do before you keep going, what is this third's w third child's name? Cornflakes frosted, are we a flake of any other kind? I don't know. Do we have one? Is there another one? I mean he would just be like I'm not thinking about it. What if Rice Krispies or something with this snap carpet pop? Like Yeah. That would be rice crispies. That's awesome. Yes. You are you know, they they laugh with me now. I love that. I love that. Yeah, so that was my personal life. I you know, I had my kids. ⁓ because I had the lymphoma treatments and the radiation, they had warned me right at that time, you know, your chance of breast cancer is very high. ⁓ so I had the breast cancer. when was that? That was in two thousand eighteen. So that was after all three kids. After all three kids. You had a pretty a pretty big gap between Yeah, my three kids were in elementary school or two are in elementary school. The third was still in preschool when I had the breast cancer. Okay. Wow. Okay. Yeah, but everything is good there too. I am Okay good. Enjoying life and thriving at the moment. Wonderful. Wonderful. I know just not from personal experience, but I do know that ⁓ that's something you just will always have to keep up on. And, you know, there's which I I think that When things aren't guaranteed, there's something that does kind of give back a little bit. You you I feel like you're a little bit more in the moment. ⁓ I feel that way about as a parent, ⁓ in general, after I ha only had I don't know how much you know about my story, but I had ⁓ I s I I went through one cycle and got ultimately three embryos two embryos, excuse me. We had like one that was kind of iffy. ⁓ And so we we operated as if we had two. We ⁓ transferred one, did not work. And so our last one is our son. And I'm forty, I'll be forty one this month. And we decided that was good. We did not want to go back through it for a myriad of reasons. But one of them was kind of like what you said like once you had two, you mentioned you wanted four, like you wanted a big family, maybe even more, whatever. And by the time you go through all this stuff, it's like, you know what? I'm okay. And And not to say like I'm okay and I don't want to do that. I actually felt okay with what we like with one child and I come from you are and I'm I'm going back a little bit, but I didn't want to interrupt you. you were saying something about in Indian culture, I'm from the South and so the Southern culture is no different. The only difference for me was that I got divorced at thirty. So when my parents are asking me, you know, when are we gonna gr get a I'm the oldest. So when are we gonna g again? I can't say it. When are we gonna get a grandchild? I was like, ⁓ sorry, my marriage has crumbled. You're gonna have to go to Maddie. And Maddie was not totally ready. She's four and a half years younger. And then they were and I was like, All right, then you're gonna have to go to Elliot, who is nine years younger than I am. And they're like, We'll raise this kid if he has one. And we just want a grandchild. And I was like, Okay, my mom and dad. Now they have gr five grandsons, ⁓ and they're happy as clams, but they're also very tired because they're eight They're all boys and they're eight, seven, six, and no almost six. Eight. No. Seven, six, five, two, and two. So ⁓ yeah, they're they're really tired. But happy. And yeah, it was like they never said it around me, but it was more like everyone else, like, well, win, win, win. And that even still happened to me when I was out here in Colorado from afar. You know, everybody's like, Well, now that you're married and happy and whatever and and I I wasn't afraid to tell anyone I was struggling because that's just not my nature. But it starts to compound that feeling of having giving the same response to everybody in a different setting, whether that be a text, seeing when I would go back to and I'm not trying to disparage people from the South. They just love families and they like when you build one and when you're happy, they want you to have more, you know, more joy in your life. And I get that. ⁓ But it did start to compound and I was like, I am so trying, okay? Like I I know. I know we're working on it. And science is working with us too. Okay, so you you went through cancer on one side early on, and then you had the three kids, the frosted flakes. ⁓ no, the cornflakes. The cornflow. Yeah. And then the fruity pebbles. And then you had Breast cancer on the other side of that. And then what happened after? So I wasn't feeling good. ⁓ I had three kids under four and I was miserable every month. My symptoms were horrible. ⁓ I was kind of in that zombie mode where you're just kind of going through the tasks but you're not really living. ⁓ and my first priority during COVID when we were all sitting at home was I I need to take care of my own health. I need to get better. ⁓ and so that's what I did. I started reading, I started doing research, I started making some changes in my life, and within a few months I was feeling much better. I had more energy, more mental clarity, my symptoms were gone. and that's when I knew I had to teach this better than I could as a PA. So I I did a coaching program, I learned how to become a coach. ⁓ and now I teach women all about their menstrual cycles. I teach them how to get rid of their monthly symptoms, I teach them how to boost fertility and also how to deal with perimenopause as we approach that time of life. And so and I read on your website, like you just kind of thought, and I think this resonated with me because ⁓ and which is kind of what I was trying to allude to, is that we all just kind of think this is the symptoms that we have every single month are just part of life. Like not like we deserve it necessarily, but we just gotta deal with it. And s obviously we're not talking about pain in terms of endometriosis pain. I just interviewed someone ⁓ who had that and thought that was her normal and that but I'm I don't know about you, but ⁓ I my my symptoms as they are are kind of all over the place. Sometimes it's a little bit more one month and a little less another month. And I've just always assumed that's just how it's gonna be. So this is Sort of news to me, which I'm loving, that I that there are ways to like lessen them. ⁓ 'cause I thought like if you have a period, you're gonna have the lead up and the the after, you know. Like it's just, you know, I just got lucky with them not being so severe. And I had that too. And I thought that even as a healthcare provider. Okay. ⁓ of my doctors ⁓ my doctors told me, yes, PMS is normal. Yes, it's part of being a ⁓ woman and take your medicine you know, push through. Right? That was the advice we got. And that was the advice that I gave to my patients for many years. So what I didn't learn as a provider, and what I learned through the wellness communities, is that things like nutrition and the foods we're eating, you know, affect our symptoms, affect how heavy our bleeding is. If we're exercising too much, it raises our cortisol. If we're not managing our stress, ⁓ It again raises cortisol and then you can't sleep, you're gaining weight around the belly, right? If all of these things are playing into your symptoms and the doctors don't know to tell you this, ⁓ then we get kind of stuck. But here's what happened to me. I was eating too many salads. ⁓ and I was exercising like forty five to sixty minutes most days of the week. And when I learned about all these changes, I had to eat more. And exercise less to see results. That is interesting. That is so not what we are thinking. We think we need to have more greens and more workouts. And wow. Okay. Are you listening out there? good to know. And you know, as you're talking, because you were saying at the beginning before we started taping, like that a lot of this, the the bonus was that it did boost fertility. And we'll duh. Because ha half the stuff I feel like we're told when we're wanting fertility is like, well, calm down, relax, like things that you know, it'll it be patient, things that you can't really do. You can't muscle that into existence. So what do you do? You typically try to think, okay, well, my body's needs to be better. So I'll work out more because that's I need to move. I need to and that maybe that's true, but I think maybe we need jerk in the wrong direction because we are trying to follow a really hard prescription of relaxing and calming down and not feeling stressed, which stresses me out. I don't know about anyone else. and so yeah, so okay, what I had a question and it just went ⁓ so w w or okay, why? Why f eating more and exercising less? What does that do like scientifically to the body? So every month a woman goes through four phases, right? And I know these ladies who are trying to conceive, you know of your ovulation, you're tracking it, you Everyone knows they have you're supposed to have your monthly bleed once a month, right? There's two other phases in between, the follicular phase and the luteal phase, which is where you get your PMS symptoms normally. In each phase, your body needs different nutrients. In some phase you need more B vitamins. In other phases, you need magnesium and zinc and iron. And if you eat the the foods with the nutrients that you need in that phase, because your body can't store the vitamins. Right. You eat them, it gets absorbed and used, or you excrete them out. Right. So your body can't s hold on to extra vitamins, right? So if you're It's not a you have to eat the foods, right. You have to eat the foods on a regular basis to get those nutrients. ⁓ so your liver needs certain nutrients to metabolize the estrogen. Your ⁓ you know, when you metabolize the estrogen, your bleeding can become less, right? Your Foods like dairy and gluten are common offenders for getting menstrual cramps. Hmm. Right? If you cut those out in your luteal week, your cramps may decrease. there are things like raspberry tea and ginger tea that can also reduce menstrual cramps, right? ⁓ taking care of your gut health, so increasing fiber and taking a probiotic can maybe reduce bloating and that feeling of like holding on to water, right? And Right. So there's a lot of different things like this. The same with exercise. Some weeks your body is more primed for really intense, ⁓ you know, HIIT workouts or boot camp style workouts. And other weeks your body d can't handle that and it needs slower Pilates or weight training or even yoga. Like when you're on your bleed, you shouldn't be running, right? Or doing some intense workout. It doesn't feel good, I will say that. It doesn't. Because your body's asking for help. ⁓ you need to take that rest. You need to just like we have our twenty-four hour cycle, ⁓ like our twenty four hour clock, right? We're eating at certain times, we're sleeping at certain times. For women, we have this monthly clock also. And if you're not following it, then you don't feel good. You have monthly symptoms, you're always exhausted, ⁓ you're stressed out, you're anxious, you're yelling at your kids or your husband all the time for no reason. ⁓ and one of the things I I didn't even think this was possible, but I just wanted to get rid of my cramps and my heavy bleeding and my bloating, right? And several months down the line, one of my sons came to me. He's like, Mom, you don't yell as often as you used to. ⁓ And I was like, well, that's like how much was I yelling before? Right. If it's that obvious to a young chuck. Yeah. But things like that, like I I definitely am more present with my kids. I'm enjoying life more. I'm just so much more grateful and happy now. After I took care of myself, like all these other bonus things started coming into my life. And I was like, ⁓ I love it. My ⁓ the relationship with my husband is better because, you know, I'm not constantly irritated at every little thing he's saying. I'm like, no, let me listen. You know, there's probably something I need to learn in there. so yes. Once I started taking care of myself and really learned about the power of the menstrual cycle, because it is, it's it's a power once you learn to use it, ⁓ my life completely changed. And that's what I help other women do now. That is so great. And I think as I was as you were talking about all the things you're having to do, I was like, okay, so this could feel like just one more thing for a woman to have to deal with as this as if she You know, it because it's ⁓ it is a constant. It is constantly if you know, if you're having a period every month, you have one. If you don't have a period every month, that's a cause for concern as well. Or, you know, trying to figure out what's why. Maybe maybe not it's so concerning. But you know, maybe there's nothing nothing wrong is my point. Maybe not like nothing terrible. But at the at the same time, it's like, come on, can we just have a break? But I think w if I've learned anything recently is that it all these little incremental changes and just the awareness, once you get it into your norm, you know, and you you're a little bit more intentional about it, that way it just becomes your norm as opposed to it being like, well now I have to eat this or today I can't do this. I also think it can give you a pass on a lot of things if you look at it that way. So instead of thinking when you I'm about to hop onto the Peloton and I don't feel like it, instead of it being like an a a a failure of of Ashlin, That she doesn't have the ability or the interest in it today. Like, what's wrong with you? You need to buck up, girl, and get on there and and and push this ride out of your system. Like you'll feel better on the other side. Sometimes I do feel better, but it's like a slog. On those days when it's like my body trying to tell me, maybe I won't feel s mad at my body. Maybe I'll feel or or feel like it's a failure of my ⁓ character. Maybe I'll feel like, hey. Yeah, maybe I'll pick something else today. Cause I know I need to move or I need to like maybe that's just a walk. And that will sound better, which means it would be a better half hour or forty five minutes of my day, which means I'll be a happier person when I'm done to start getting my work done. Or if I fit it in while my child's doing a nap, I won't be just sitting there being like, Come on, you know, 'cause he's right above me where I work out and my child is loud when he's not sleeping. So ⁓ yeah, it's just like every like you said, a a couple changes. Consistently can make everything even easier. So now not only are you not dealing with the the physical manifestations of all these things, but also you feel like, ⁓ life is actually a lot easier on the other side of this. I I I just yeah, it's an investment, but it works. It works. So it's intuitive. Once you learn about your cycle, ⁓ and the easiest way to think about it is the four seasons, right? Your four phases are like the four seasons. Menstrual phase is like winter. Yeah, right. You want warm foods, you want to dress warm. You don't want to go out and go to a hundred parties in the winter. Okay, fine. In the spring, your energy's going up. You can go out for a run. You're you know, can eat some lighter steamed vegetables and this and that. Ovulation is summer. It's like peak time for social activities. Your energy is sky high, you feel great, your skin is glowing, your hair is glowing. The luteal phase is like the fall, right? You want those roasted vegetables, you want a stew, maybe some chili, right? You want those foods with the dense nutrients in there. You need that extra fiber. And so once you learn all of these things, it becomes very intuitive and second nature. So there is a yes, after that initial learning curve, then it becomes really easy and you're just kinda asking your body, like you said, like, do I want to do Peloton today? Or do I want yeah, do I want to go for a walk today? Right. Like what do I really see it like? Accepting your body's answer. I think that's a huge thing for us in this, you should be fill in the blank. ⁓ you know, at forty, you should be doing this at and that even goes back to fertility. You should be having children by now. You should like I feel like if we can remove that word should from our the the first part of what we say about ourselves, then we can actually listen. I read something today that said, like, teach your children the ⁓ practice of pause. Pause before you assume something. Pause before you whatever. I need that too, it sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓ that's a stress management technique right there, right? Like ⁓ But yeah, just listening. If you listen and you take the advice of your own body, you might actually like the outcome a little bit better and you won't be like, like I said earlier, like white knuckling it. to work because if I I mean if I've learned anything, I had an idea, I wanted my life to go a certain way. It did not. It spectacularly failed ⁓ all of my tests. And I've had a great life. So it's not to say that that was the worst thing, but I was so rigid in wanting to keep to my plan that it made when it didn't work out seem like something bad happened when really it was in my head. It was my plan. it it wasn't it wasn't ⁓ y I didn't even think it through. I just thought it and therefore I wanted it to happen. And I gave myself so much more stress and anguish over it. Whatever I planned in my head, ⁓ not being, you know, God or whatever God you have, ⁓ you know, not having the ability to make everything happen the way I wanted to. That stress was man was Ashland made. It was it was my brain making it. It wasn't actually there. I just had this this ⁓ this relationship to an outcome. And once I stopped having relationships to outcomes as much, ⁓ and just kinda let them flow, it's like, ⁓ that wasn't so bad. I didn't even think of that. You know? Yeah. Yes. So we have a lot to learn as women. And ⁓ again, I learned this in my forties. I feel like I missed out on like twenty good years of life. So I'm trying to make up for it now. ⁓ I th ⁓ no, I think I think forties as ⁓ just as a a a ⁓ ⁓ just a little taste of this past year. These are, I feel like, the years when I hear now, I'm like, yeah, no wonder they said that about their 40s. This is like when things like really settle in and makes sense. Yeah. I say, you didn't miss them. I say, without all those, how in the world could you have come to this conclusion? Because you wouldn't have that to draw on. And if you didn't have all of that, ⁓ all of those stories to be able to tell as evidence of. why this works, then yeah, I mean, you could you could take your word for it, but how would you even know? Well, here's the thing. So when I was going through all the fertility stuff, the diagnosis was unexplained fertility. Which is so good and helpful. Right? That's what the doctors tell you. We don't know why you can't get pregnant. Your labs are normal. This is normal. Your ultrasound was normal. But in retrospect, after learning about all this, I wasn't eating great. I wasn't exercising great. ⁓ I wasn't managing my stress. Or maybe I was exercising and eating the opposite, right? Too too little and too much of what I was supposed to do. I wasn't taking care of myself. I was always stressed out, overwhelmed, anxious. Every month when my test came back not pregnant, you know, that stress was also compounding, right? Like you were saying. Right. And it just in retrospect, I was not taking care of myself. And so yes, of course my fertility was low. And then and if you and And I think what what what complicates that when you're going through fertility issues, ⁓ and when someone says like, yeah, everything seems normal, we don't know why, or whatever, that is stressful on its own because you do see other people who have terrible diets, terrible schedules, terrible sleeping, all of those things. And they got pregnant. So it's hard in those moments to think like, if I could just make some changes in my life. Because you're clearly intentional about things and you're making yeah, when you look back, you're like, Yeah, I wasn't that great. But that's a sliding scale of what's great and what's optimal for you. like I said earlier about endometriosis, my friend who she had such issues with her pain, but her doctor told her everyone has period pain. And like that was it. And it was a woman, you know, saying, No, no, you just need to manage it differently. Like ⁓ and so she felt like Everybody had this pain, why couldn't she deal with it better? And that was like a I mean, she was she had she had so many parts of her body that were being like eaten alive by this endometriosis. And she no wonder she was struggling. But because someone framed it in one way that said, This is, you know, your labs are normal. They said the same thing to her. There's nothing we can see, and therefore we'll just have to manage what you have. ⁓ that just gives you no well, literally no answer. Mm-hmm. But also makes you feel like you're going nuts. ⁓ and then you start going down the I don't know if you did. I went down the you don't deserve this road. I started to question everything about myself because I had gotten divorced at 30, like I said, and then here I am, like. Well, of course, you haven't made the right choices in your life and therefore you're going to struggle to have children. Or if you put the Bible belt on top of it, which I don't think is what you put on yourself. But ⁓ you know, they say that there's like, ⁓ you know, there's there's pain and childbirth because of something that women did. And it's just like I I I I put that on me me too, wondering why, me, not this person, but it's still like you you search for other answers when you don't get one. Yeah when you're having trouble getting pregnant. And it's you I had a partner. Not everyone does, but I had a partner and I did not feel like we were we weren't living in the I mean, obviously we're not living in the same ⁓ head and heart, but we were living in the same house and I felt very, very, very much alone in this because I felt like it was my problem and it was a problem I could not solve. And so while there's a long way of me saying while you have answers now How in the world could you have figured that out then with what you had at your disposal? You know? Not what I think we need more of are people saying, getting creative and saying, all right, so your labs are normal. So we we you know, maybe maybe there's something else I've learned and ⁓ some research I've been doing and we can figure out maybe some different ways of testing or different times of the month to test or whatever. Maybe there's a scientific side, but maybe there's just more creativity on the science, ⁓ in the science community that we could be doing. All right. So that's normal. So I'm not gonna dismiss you from the class. Let's let's figure out more things. You know, let's let's talk about more things. Let's talk about you know things like you were saying. Let's literally go through your diet. Let's do a diet journal, which sounds so terrible, but maybe we'll help us figure that out. Let's get you an aura ring, which I don't have one of those, but like let's see what your sleeps sleep cycle seems to send back. Let's see ⁓ I don't know. I I have no idea. This is not my area, obviously. But instead of it being, I think ⁓ the major issue with when you go seek answers as a patient, you assume the doctor knows what they're talking about or the PA in your instant, you know, you you assume everybody knows and they've seen someone like you. And so when they tell you that there's nothing that they they can do or you are ⁓ you're you're a mystery. I've been told that about my s my asthma and stuff. And I'm like, great, you know. Yeah. So now what? You know, i I I'd like to be able to breathe, but ⁓ Yeah. But not by just you giving me more predatone and more antibiotics. Like I don't feel like that's the answer. ⁓ but that was the answer I got time and time again. ⁓ no, no, now we should do surgery on your sinuses. That'll help. ⁓ and so those are the three that I got all the time. And it wasn't until I had a pulmonologist who was who was like, actually I think there's this there might be another thing for you. And That's when I learned I had allergic asthma. It wasn't just regular asthma. And so I've been on a medication for almost fourteen years. I would love to get off of it because I have to give myself shots every month, twice a month. ⁓ but I am alive and I do breathe well and I can function. And that's the goal. ⁓ and I was able to get pregnant on it. So I was able not to have that stress on on you know, having to take get off of it during that time when I was trying to get pregnant, which is a long ass time. ⁓ so that said, all that said. I love the approach you're taking because you're not only talking about things that are practical, but also you're using your own experience to which I think is the best way to do it. ⁓ you're not telling people what to do, you're saying this is what I did and this is how it worked for me and I have evidence of such. Yeah. No, and I've done the the reading and the research and I know what's fluff and what's, you know, science based medical ⁓ information that's out there. So ⁓ but the one thing I will tell I will tell all the moms this and all the women listening. ⁓ if someone tells you your PMS symptoms are normal or your endometriosis symptoms are normal or your PCOS symptoms are normal, they are not. they are not normal. They are your body's way of asking for help. ⁓ it's your body speaking a language and you just need to learn how to interpret that language. And ⁓ once you do and you start speaking your body's language. Everything becomes so much easier. That is such great advice. ⁓ my gosh, that's really helpful. And I do think that I mean, after going through IBF ⁓ and just the fertility process, like like before before the IBF even started and and having I start to get really in tune with everything in my body, not like in tune like in a good way, like I'm afraid that everything's something bad. Or, you know, like so I'll feel something in an ovary and I'm like, ⁓ God, what is it? you know. And and really it's just and I still do it sometimes. I'm like, why do I have this pain? And Mark my husband all Marcus will say, ⁓ you're probably ovulating. You know, I'm like, ⁓ yeah. ⁓ yeah, that can now so I ⁓ the pendulum swung so far to where I'm like thinking everything's cancer, I'm dying every week. ⁓ and I I I've been I've been raining it back, but I think the alternative was when I was younger and wasn't paying any attention. I just assumed everything was normal as opposed to thinking, okay, maybe there's something I could adjust here. and so yeah, I think that's great advice. ⁓ don't be like me. ⁓ thinking everything's bad either or you. just you know, happy, happy medium. But yeah, I think that's a great it's a it goes back to listening. Yeah, listening and not assuming, ⁓ pausing. Then asking different questions. And then asking questions. Yeah, yeah. Different questions. Different questions. Yeah. And then if you don't get the answers, find somebody who has the answers. ⁓ like I said, as a pr healthcare provider, I didn't know any of this. I didn't teach my patients. I learned it through the wellness communities. And now, you know, if you have questions, DM me and say hello, and I'm happy to answer them. You'll be getting questions from me. I'm sorry in advance. ⁓ but seriously, I I love that you're per I love that you're not not a provider. I love that you're a provider on here and saying that, hey, if someone's not giving you any answer and and and and I think it's also a tone, it's the delivery of I feel like some providers that I felt just in my personal past, they've been really like sure of themselves and that's fine. I want you to be confident. That's helpful, right? I don't want you to like, well, I don't really know. But there is a threshold of the assumption without looking at me or, you know, like ⁓ like you taking any of my and I think ⁓ I've heard of this from a lot of people where they don't feel like it's a full throated answer. They feel like it's like I have another patient. I have someone else after this and this ⁓ this is gonna take a lot more work and I just don't have it ⁓ in in me and for whatever reason. And because we have that patient to doctor, like I didn't go to med school, I just Googled, you I feel like the the patient usually questions themselves first. They don't say like, maybe this is not the right fit for me. ⁓ and I think we need to get more on that. Not necessarily being an advocate. in that moment, maybe that person simply isn't the right person for you. And you shouldn't be like, no man, no woman. I I I need you to drill down. Let's do this. Like if you don't feel that good relationship, that rapport, ⁓ maybe this like in anything that's difficult or might take some time, do you actually want to hang out with this person as you find out? Probably not, because they already sort of dismissed you and made you feel like you're like either that you're normal or that you are whiny or whatever. In so many words. And maybe that just means you need to find someone else to talk to. Yep. ⁓ yeah, if you can tell t thought about this quite a bit. Anything else you want to get? So I'm expanding this ⁓ this podcast into not just fertility stuff, but also parenting in general, because I just feel like, you know, a lot of the people who listen to this are also parents. Whether cause you can have fertility issues with one and not with another. You are a perfect example of that. ⁓ is there any parenting tip that you wanna give to ⁓ the people who are listening? ⁓ boy. Especially for those who have teens. ⁓ yes. So no matter what stage you're in, ⁓ if they're newborns and toddlers or elementary school or teenagers, or I'm guessing even adult children, ⁓ once you figure out a routine and something that works and a favorite food and whatever, ⁓ just know that life is gonna throw some curveball and things are gonna change and that routine is gonna be thrown off. That schedules won't work anymore. The food is not their favorite. They won't eat it. They won't touch it. ⁓ and so every day is a learning process. ⁓ yes, ⁓ every day is a learning process. And even like now, I'm a first time mom to a teenager who's learning how to drive. Right? Like I've never experienced that before. It's it's different. Like he's going off to college soon. Like there's some different emotions and different feelings coming up that I didn't have when he was a toddler. ⁓ but yeah, every stage of parenting I think is will have challenges and you just gotta take it one day at a time and like figure it out. And what worked with one kid will not work with the other. I hope only have one. What worked with the second won't work with the third. Yeah, I Yeah, what worked with the second will not work with the third. So it's like every with every kid I'm learning again. and yeah, it's find your mom tribe, find your community where you can ask questions. ⁓ I share stories like this on my podcast and ⁓ there are some crazy stories out there of things kids do. So you are not alone in that aspect either. But ⁓ I loved how you said and this is this is ⁓ I feel like this is a great way to end it. You're a first time mom the whole time. You're always a first time mom. And that's okay because once you start to think like I should have this figured out by now, at whatever age your child is or whichever one, you know, in the the birth order it is, the minute that you decide that something is wrong with how you're doing it or something is wrong with you, then you start to regress As opposed to like what you're saying, pivot. Figure out, ask more questions, ask your friends to see, as opposed to like, you know, going inward. Go inward in a lot of ways, all the time. But I feel like when it's mom shame of any kind, that is not where you want to go. Cause you will find evidence that yes, there's something wrong with you as a mother. Yes, you did that wrong. Yes, you're terrible. It is easy to to yeah, to to give I mean, give that this terrible shitty feedback to yourself. So that's the moment when you need to reach out to other people and say, hey, you too, ⁓ am I am I nuts? Because most of the time they'll be like, ⁓ God, girl, I know what you've been through. And they'll have a plethora of options and ideas and you're like, ⁓ okay, great. And so I think the be thinking of yourself as a first-time mom, because I'm in that boat like a hundred percent. He's too Every single day is a different, I feel like a different milestone in one way or another, whether it's negative or positive. But it's easy for me right now to feel like a first time mom. I feel like as time goes on, I'll be like, I should know better by now, right? And maybe the mindset is I'm always a first time mom because my kid at every this kid and that kid and that kid is always gonna be changing. And my parents are first time mother ⁓ parents to ⁓ a forty year old. This is the first time to have a forty year old. You know, and my sister and I are nothing alike in so many ways. So it'll be the first time again in well math. It's not my strongest. Almost five years. so yeah, I think that's really good advice. Really good advice. Yeah. thank you. Or you can say life is. ⁓ I said life is ever changing. Like I'm learning how to my parents are now in their seventies, right? So I'm learning how to now take care of them. Because like my mom just had her knee replacement and she's going for a second one and ooh you know, right? Like and now like things are shifting in that relationship too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's ever changing. Ever changing. Yeah. Amy, you have been delightful. ⁓ ⁓ sorry for any and I'm hopefully hopefully doesn't come out on the other side ⁓ in terms of sound. But I'm sorry, we're we're having a couple technical difficulties, but this ⁓ was worth sticking it out for and I'm glad you did. I'm thankful you did. If you have questions for Amy, I'm gonna put all of her information ⁓ in the show notes as I always do. And as she said, reach out to her if you have a question. Better to ask somebody who might know, as opposed to turning to the Googler. ⁓ because AI does not have experience like Amy does, ⁓ or your mom tribe, like she said. And also just having somebody who has feelings talking to you, I think, is a really good idea. and ⁓ so she told you to DM her. That was not me giving her away. ⁓ but I'll put her information in the show notes. And thank you to everyone out there who is listening or watching. We really appreciate you. If this episode resonated with you in any way, ⁓ you know, obviously watch, listen, take notes. But if you know someone else in your life who it could help, please share it with them. I don't ask everyone to subscribe or like or you know, all those things. Because this that's not what this podcast is about. It's about finding a place for you to find information that is helpful. and so I would appreciate if you would share it with that person. ⁓ or even post about it if you feel let. Of course. You don't you you can definitely do that. I'm just I'm not asking for it in like res response for you listening. So All that to say, I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of their week. We will be back next week with another guest with a lot more information for your life, ⁓ to be whole and healthy and just not so alone. So thank you, Amy, for being here today and for trudging through the technologies as they are and were. and everyone else, I hope you take care.